Tortured By Cookies

I was busy prepping meals in my client's home this morning when I discovered a cookie sheet in the oven. It's really too bad I have a habit of looking inside to make sure nothing is actually in the oven when I turn it on to preheat. If that were the case this morning, then the already baked cookies would have been burned beyond the point of temptation by the time I discovered them.

So there I was working, and there were those innocent little chocolate chips just sitting there begging to be eaten. I was determined not to eat so much as a crumb but my brain kept forgetting that I made this deal with myself to be good. I really had to stop myself several times from just absentmindedly popping one in to my mouth. At one point when I stopped myself, I could swear that the cookies looked as if they had little chocolate chip eyes and were smiling at me. You know things are getting a little out of control when you start having food hallucinations.

I quickly picked up a little chunk of raw potato and in to my mouth it went. Raw carrot would have been a much better choice, but the carrots that had been on my cutting board just a few minutes before were now simmering in hot liquid on the stove.

I guess I should be glad that it was a piece of raw vegetable I ate instead of the cookie, but I must admit I'm feeling a little disturbed by this. Why did I even feel a need to eat something else in order to save myself from eating the cookie? And how desperate is that, huh,... raw potato? It was just so impulsive, but it made me realize something about myself; I eat impulsively all the time!

Another thing my client keeps in a jar on her counter is Peanut M&M's. I don't even like those things! Don't get me wrong, I love chocolate and I do enjoy peanuts, just not together in my mouth at the same time. Does this prevent me from eating them? Hell no! I dip my hand in that jar every single week. Chocolate tainted with peanuts is still chocolate and I can deal with that.

What stopped me from eating the M&M's this week was not the fact that I really don't care that much for them, and it wasn't the deal I made with myself to not eat the cookie either. Truth is, I'm not someone my own self can rely too much on, in fact, I probably would have eaten the candy instead of the potato in my moment of weakness, rationalizing that one or two Peanut M&M's was way better than eating an entire cookie. Nope, what stopped me from putting my hand in that jar was simply that the jar was down to the last three pieces of candy!